Someone To Lean On
by Nytel
Summary: It's nice to have someone to lean on. KaraLee. Spoilers up to 320. Set in season 4.


**Someone To Lean On**

Kara Thrace wasn't awarded the luxury of a full night's sleep, or even the simple pleasure of slowly coming awake. She was lucky to catch a few short naps every day, but that was it. And even though her body wanted nothing more than to sleep forever, her duties to the fleet came first.

They were on the road to Earth, and only she knew how to get there. After weeks of testing and interrogation the Old Man had finally accepted the fact that she was Kara, she was human, and she had been to Earth. From that moment on, nearly a month ago now, she had taken on the role of a guide, leading the fleet through solar system after solar system, as they slowly inched their way towards humanity's destination.

She knew the path to take, that was certain, but it wasn't clear and precise. Kara wished she could draw a few star charts, give the Admiral a map and be done with it, but it just didn't work like that. She couldn't picture the route in her mind, it wasn't a series of turns to be taken, it was feelings. At every new location the fleet stopped. Kara needed to familiarize herself with the surrounding stars, nebulae, gas clouds, and only once that was done would she _know _where they needed to jump next. There were a near infinite number of possibilities, but only one would feel right.

It frustrated the Admiral and the President to no end, but it frustrated her even more. It was like she was on call all the time. The second all the data from their location had been retrieved someone would be sent to fetch her from whatever she was doing, even if it meant waking her up. Sometimes it was an hour after they jumped, sometimes it was a day, there was no way to tell in advance.

In addition to leading the remainder of humanity to Earth, she had been reinstated as CAG. When Lee had resigned from the military, the position was left open. Helo had taken over until a replacement could be found. When no other suitable candidate surfaced, the replacement became her.

The Old Man refused to let her fly CAP. They couldn't afford to lose their guide to Earth, but she did inherit the copious amount of paperwork that made up the meat of the job. Holding briefings, making schedules, and filing took up most of her day. On top of that she had to make time to work out, eat, shower and most importantly, see Lee.

He was her… boyfriend, she guessed she could say, but in actuality he was so much more than that. He was her lifeline. He kept her sane even when she felt anything but. No matter what was going on he made sure that she ate, slept when she had the time, and if she didn't then he ensured she had a sufficient caffeine supply. Lee took care of her. What surprised her was that she found it endearing, liked it even.

Things had undoubtedly changed between the two of them. Her disappearance through the eye of the storm had been exactly what she needed to get her ass in gear. Normally people only got one chance at life, but she'd been lucky enough to get a do-over. She had made mistakes the first time around, especially when it came to Lee, and nothing was going to stop her from correcting them. Immediately after they'd determined she was not a security threat, and consequently released her from the brig, she'd gone off in search of Lee.

She hadn't needed to look far, he'd been waiting just outside the hatch. The first thing he did was pull her into a bone-crushing hug, which Kara had returned without hesitation. The moment they were alone she told him everything: why she'd run away that night on New Caprica, the true depth of her feelings, how she wasn't scared anymore, and why she wanted another chance.

He had cupped her face and kissed her to within an inch of her life before resting his forehead against hers. She could still hear his voice clear as day.

* * *

A sharp resonating knock on the hatch of her quarters caused Kara to wake with a start. The second rap of knuckles on metal saw her out of the bed and half way to the entryway. She was squinting at the harsh light coming in through the open hatch a second after that.

"Private," she muttered gruffly, addressing the marine standing at attention in front of her.

The young man swallowed hastily before stammering out the necessary formalities. "Captain Thrace, Sir."

When he paused, she glared, silently telling him to get on with it.

"The Admiral requests your immediate presence in the tactical room."

"Figures." Without waiting for a reply she stepped back into her quarters, yanking the hatch closed behind her. The clang was almost satisfying.

She really shouldn't be surprised. She'd climbed into bed less than two hours before, on the verge of passing out from exhaustion, and now they needed her to tell them which way to go.

Normally Lee would be there, saying something to cheer her up, or at least offering to grab her some food, but he was currently off ship. The lawyer that Lee had worked with during Baltar's trial needed his help on a new case. Lee hadn't even been gone for a full day yet, and she missed him immensely.

Kara was already in a bad mood, and the wake up call had made it worse. She yanked on some clothes, not bothering with the stuffy and uncomfortable dress blues, opting for BDU's instead.

Ten minutes later she was entering the tactical room. Before she even made it to the table, star charts, astronomical readings, and surveillance pictures had been shoved into her hands. Gaeta started rambling off technical jargon while pointing at the projector screen at the front of the room. Kara barely noticed the Old Man walk by, she barely even felt him squeeze her shoulder in support before leaving. She was too busy trying to absorb everything.

"Slow down," she growled as she plopped down in the nearest chair and spread the documents out in front of her.

"Sir?" Gaeta questioned, pausing his speech to look at her.

"I said slow down Lieutenant."

She wasn't sure if it was the scowl on her face or her tone that caused him to nod. "Yes, sir. I'll just let you look over those." He pointed to the mass of paper. "Can I get you anything?"

"Coffee. Lots of coffee."

* * *

Six hours later Kara had been over everything twice. The only problem was that nothing was jumping out at her; there was no specific direction that _felt_ _right_. This had never happened before and she was beginning to panic. She could feel her chest tightening and her breathing becoming shallow. What if that was it? What if it was a far as she could get them?

The hatch opened and she looked up from the table. A wave of disappoint settled over her as the Admiral walked in, giving her a small smile. "What do you have for me Starbuck?"

Kara gulped as she stood up. "Nothing."

Bill raised one eyebrow, but other than that his face remained stoic. "Pardon me?"

"I don't…have anything," she admitted regretfully. Emotion welled up, catching her off guard. She had to force the next words out past the lump in her throat. "I'm sorry."

He looked at her for another second before turning his attention to Gaeta. "Lieutenant, any ideas?"

The younger man scrambled to put his notes together and put up the correct picture on the screen. "Well, sir, I suggest we try this direction." He zoomed in on a small portion of the photo. "It's congruent with the path we've taken so far, and—"

"No," Kara interrupted. A heavy foreboding feeling descended upon her. That wasn't the way. "That's not the path we need to take."

The Admiral turned and gave her a questioning look. "Why not? You said you didn't—"

"I don't, but I do know that we can't go that way. It _feels wrong._"

The Old Man had his eyebrow raised and she bit her tongue as soon as she realized that she'd cut him off. "Sorry, Sir," she muttered quietly. The lack of sleep was really beginning to affect her.

"Captain," Gaeta interjected, "this would fit in with the pattern of our other jumps. There's no harm in trying. We can jump and perhaps once we're there you'll know where we should go next."

Panic seized her. "No!" She shouted. "We can't!" Her voice sounded extremely desperate and shaky, but all she knew was that they couldn't go that way.

"Starbuck, are you all right?" The Old Man looked concerned, and she did her best to at least appear calmer. She'd already let him down once that day.

"Yes, Sir. Please believe me, we can't jump to that spot." She took a deep breath. "All of my… feelings, instincts, whatever, have brought us this far. I'm asking you to trust me…I just need more time."

The Admiral met her pleading gaze and nodded once. "Of course. But I want you to send out two raptors to investigate the area. It could be that there's a cylon fleet present, and if there is we need to know about it."

The dread faded away, but not completely. "Lieutenant, please calculate the jump coordinates and transmit them to raptors three and thirteen." The bad feeling was still there. "Make it a shorter jump," she added. "Take them most of the way there, but not fully." There, that felt okay.

"Yes, Sir," Gaeta replied. He looked confused, but it didn't stop him from obeying the orders. He immediately began to jot down the necessary figures in order to calculate the jump.

Normally this was the part where Kara left feeling satisfied. But how could she? She'd failed the fleet. She had absolutely no idea where they needed to go next, only where they couldn't. The old and unwanted feeling of self-loathing threatened to emerge, but she wouldn't let it. She wasn't that person anymore.

"Kara," Bill said quietly, interrupting her thoughts.

She focused all of her attention on him. "Yes?"

"I'd like you to stop by my quarters in a few hours. There's something I need to discuss with you."

* * *

Kara spent the interim time catching up on paperwork that had been shoved aside the day before. There was a lot, too much in all honesty. It seemed that her 'to do' pile grew much more quickly than the 'finished' one. Seeing the papers stacked there, reminding her that she wasn't coping well enough, was enough to throw her into an even worse mood. By the time she left to meet with the Admiral, every muscle in her body was filled with tension, and she had her teeth gritted together in frustration.

The conversation that constituted the meeting certainly didn't help matters. The Old Man had asked her to train a new batch of nuggets. Her mind had screamed 'No,' but her mouth had said 'Yes.'

When she left Bill's quarters she felt more overwhelmed than ever. Now, not only did she have to worry about _not knowing_ the way to Earth, she had to try and juggle an even more complicated schedule. She wanted nothing more than to punch something, but miraculously she refrained.

Five hours later she had accomplished a fair bit and was just starting to fill in the refueling documents. A page came over the comm system for her to report to the tactical room. She muttered a string of expletives under her breath and stormed out of her office. She made it to the tactical room in record time, probably because everyone in her way had moved to the side when they saw her striding down the hall.

"What is it?" She snapped at Gaeta the moment she stepped through the hatch. It took her a second to realize there was someone else in the room. "Racetrack," she said tersely, acknowledging the pilot's presence.

Maggie glared at her. "What is it?! You sent us on what could have easily become a suicide mission."

Kara suddenly remembered that Racetrack had been the pilot of raptor three on the reconnaissance mission. "What the hell happened out there?"

"We almost got pulled into a black hole, that's what happened. If we'd have jumped in much closer, we never would have been able to escape the gravitational field." Maggie looked terrified, relieved and enraged all at the same time.

"But you didn't get pulled in," Kara stated. "Thank you Lieutenant, you're free to leave." She gave Racetrack a terse nod before turning to look at Gaeta.

Guilt was plastered on his face; if they had done things his way, they would have lost at least two raptors, if not more. "Starbuck, I—"

"Don't," she said. There was no point in obsessing over it now. It was over and done with.

He seemed relieved. "I guess that puts us back at square one."

Kara bit back a groan. This was proving to be one of the longest days of her life. "Let me see the charts again."

A second later he'd handed them to her and she was busily skimming them over. There had to be something that might point her in the right direction. Not glancing up from the papers in her hand, she walked over to the table and took a seat. She flipped through page after page, until _finally_ something clicked. Relief flooded through her veins.

Looking up she noticed that Gaeta was preoccupied with other work. Gods, she had no idea how long she'd been sitting there. It had certainly been long enough to cause several kinks in her neck.

Rubbing her sore muscles with one hand, she used the other to slide a surveillance picture down the table to Gaeta. He looked up when it stopped directly under his nose. "You figured it out?" He asked, hope filling his voice and lighting up his face.

All of the relief Kara had been feeling disappeared and was replaced by alarm. They were relying on her alone to get to Earth. She was the _only_ person who could find a happy ending for humanity. She could feel the pressure beginning to become too much.

She nodded once and mumbled something about letting Gaeta tell the Admiral. Before she knew it she was walking down the corridor towards her office. Every bone in her body was dead tired, but she was panicking. There was so much stuff she needed to get done, and soon. It wouldn't be that long before they jumped, and then it only be a few hours until they called her back to do it all over again. Then there was the basic flight class she still had to organize and plan for. Kara bit back a scream of frustration. She was drowning and she couldn't do a thing to stop it.

Kara had her hands braced on the hatch of her office, preparing to shove it open, when it moved inwards, revealing Lee on the other side. She paused, caught completely off guard. He was supposed to be off ship for at least another three days.

"Hey," he said. A bright smile lit up his face. "I was just coming to look for you." He must have noticed the look on her face, because he added, "Kara, what's wrong?" Immediately he stepped closer as worry clouded his features.

Her mind was screaming at her, telling her to say 'Everything,' but her mouth wouldn't move. Lee almost looked like he wasn't sure how to react. A few seconds went by before he pulled her into a comforting hug. She sagged against him, and her arms found their way around his neck, pulling him closer. Hot, angry tears welled up in her eyes, and try as she might she couldn't stop them from slipping silently down her cheeks. Ashamed, she turned her head, burying it against Lee's neck.

She felt him tense the second he realized she was crying. The next thing she knew he had somehow maneuvered them into her office, closing the hatch behind them. It seemed ironic that she was having a stress related breakdown in the place that was filled with half the reason for the stress.

Lee held her close as all of the anger and frustration of her day seeped out. She had no idea how long they stayed like that, but it had to have been a while. When she did finally pull back from the embrace, so she could wipe the tears away, she felt better. Not completely, but at least less likely to go insane.

"Thanks," she whispered, giving Lee a tentative smile. It was one he didn't return. For a moment she didn't understand why, but then she realized he had no idea what was going on. And knowing him, he was probably conjuring up a million different reasons for her actions, each one worse than the last.

"It's just stress," she said quietly, trying to keep it simple.

Lee raised one eyebrow, apparently not believing her. "Stress makes you grouchy, bitchy even, it doesn't do this."

Well, he was somewhat right. Normally it didn't get to her this much, but with so many things to do… "I just have a lot on my plate right now, okay?"

Lee sighed. "Did you get any sleep last night?" He was worried, as usual.

Kara let out a bitter laugh. "Does less than two hours count?"

Lee gave her a serious look. "Kara, I know that you're busy, but if you keep going like this you are going to burn out."

"Well what the frak do you want me to do?" Her voice rose almost to the point of yelling. "I'm the CAG, I'm supposed to be leading the fleet to Earth, but who knows if I can even do that anymore, and on top of that I'm now in charge of the next basic flight class!"

The words came out in a torrent, and soon she had told Lee about everything. She wouldn't have been able to stop talking if she wanted to. When it had all been said, she sank down into a nearby chair, bracing her elbows on her knees as she looked up at Lee.

He crouched down in front of her and reached up to take her hands in his. "First off, every step closer you take us to Earth is a blessing. You've already saved us years of jumping around the universe blindly. Even if you can't get us any closer, you've put us on the right track, and everyone in this fleet owes you a million times over for that."

Kara felt her cheeks warm. She really hadn't thought of it like that.

"Secondly, I'm sure that you can find someone to help you with the paperwork." He grinned. "Me for instance." Kara opened her mouth to protest, but Lee kept talking. "I might not technically be in the military anymore, but I can still make flight schedules, organize the refueling ops, the list goes on."

Kara found herself nodding. She hated to admit that she couldn't do it on her own, but it was more bearable knowing that Lee would be the one to help her.

"Lastly, my father must be crazy. No one, no matter how amazing they are, can balance all of that stuff at once. He's just going to have to find someone else to teach basic flight. You may be the only experienced flight instructor, but that doesn't mean that someone else couldn't handle it."

The words took a few seconds to sink in, but when they did Kara breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you," she said with sincerity. Suddenly it seemed bearable. Not easy, or fun, but bearable.

Lee gave her another warm smile. "No problem. I'm just glad I decided to come back."

She'd been wondering about that. "Why are you here?"

"The trial doesn't start until late tomorrow morning. We're fully prepared, so that left me with the night off. Plus I was going crazy because I haven't seen you in so long." He smiled warmly and Kara grinned in response. She loved that they were finally on the same page with each other.

He stood up, and tugged on her arms so she stood as well. "Come on," he said as he turned to leave.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"You need to sleep. All of this," he waved one hand at her desk full of papers, "can wait."

He was right. The last time she'd felt this exhausted was when they were jumping every thirty-three minutes, and that was saying something. Even if she did try to get a head start on her paperwork, she would probably make dozens of mistakes and need to spend extra time later fixing them.

She nodded her head in acquiescence and followed Lee out the door.

By the time they reached her quarters, which were also unofficially Lee's, she could barely keep her eyes open. Sleep had never been more tempting. She walked straight across the room to the bed and fell onto it. She moaned in satisfaction and heard Lee chuckle softly as he closed the hatch.

Rolling onto her back she saw that Lee had taken off his suit jacket and was in the process of unbuttoning his dress shirt. Gods, she really wished she had some energy left. She continued to watch, completely unabashed, as Lee stripped down to only his boxers. When he looked up at saw her staring, he winked once and she laughed.

Lee walked to the bed, surprising her when he stopped at the foot of it. Before she could ask him what he was doing, he had lifted one of her feet off the bed and was unlacing her boot. Soon he had taken them both off and tossed them on the floor. He tugged off her BDU's, which were _just _loose enough to slide down over her hips without being undone, something he knew from experience.

Kara managed to dredge up enough energy to crawl under the covers while Lee turned off the lights. A second later he slipped in beside her. She turned onto her side and Lee wrapped one arm around her from behind, pulling her back flush against his chest. Kara sighed in contentment and leaned back against him. Lee kissed her cheek. "'Night Kara. Love you."

"Love you too." It was the last thing she remembered before drifting off to sleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

Kara was awakened by a knock on the hatch. Before the sound had even fully registered in her mind, she heard the soft sound of bare feet on the deck and the hatch opening. Light from the hallway entered the room, but it wasn't quite enough to make it to the bed.

Turning over onto her other side, Kara saw that Lee was standing in the doorway talking to a marine. They were whispering, but if she strained her ears she could make out what they were saying.

"The Admiral needs Starbuck in the tactical room."

"That's not going to happen right now." Lee didn't sound angry, simply determined.

She couldn't see the look on the marine's face since Lee was blocking the way, but she could picture it in her mind. "But Sir, I have my orders."

Lee shrugged. "I really don't care Private. You can tell the Admiral that Captain Thrace needs at least another eight hours sleep, and won't be doing anything until then." There was a lengthy pause. "Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir." Was the Private's nervous response.

"Good." The light suddenly disappeared as Lee closed the hatch.

Kara smiled as she rolled over into a more comfortable position and waited for Lee to come back to bed. It was nice to have someone to lean on.

The End


End file.
